Infidelity is a difficult situation to deal with. If you find out that your cheating girlfriend is cheating on you, you will almost certainly feel like your world is falling apart, but most of all you will have a hard time trusting her again and moving forward. To overcome this situation, you need to consider whether the relationship is worth saving, communicate openly with her about her expectations for the future, and seek emotional support both from friends and professional therapists.
Part 1. Assess the situation
1. Ask yourself some questions.
After being cheated on, the first step is to assess the relationship and determine whether or not it is worth continuing. There are some questions you need to ask yourself in order to make the right decision. Be as honest as possible with yourself.
- Has your girlfriend cheated on you in the past? For some people, infidelity is compulsive behavior that recurs over and over again. If the problem is less rooted in that specific relationship and more in a loyalty issue that has nothing to do with you, it will be easier to accept and overcome.
- Why did she cheat on you? If some will say that to deceive is to deceive; we don’t talk about it anymore, the fact is that infidelity means a lot of things. A one-night stand, purely physical, can be much easier to forgive than a long-term affair in which your girlfriend has become emotionally attached to someone else. Try to put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you would have felt in her shoes.
- How was your relationship at the time of the infidelity? If she was having a hard time and you knew your cheating girlfriend was unhappy, the situation might be easier to understand. Did the two of you take each other for granted? Did she need to meet any emotional needs outside of the relationship? If so, can these issues be fixed or should you both break up and move on.
2. Learn about the sexual urge.
By learning about the factors that promote infidelity, you can more easily understand and forgive your cheating girlfriend. If she cheated on her previous partners, learn about the sex drive and its causes.
- Compulsive sexual behavior is a term that applies to a wide variety of sexual activities that do not conform to societal norms, including some forms of infidelity. Generally speaking, infidelity is only considered compulsive sexual behavior if it is behavior that a person has adopted without thinking and taking a great personal risk.
- If your cheating girlfriend cheated on her previous partners, maybe she’s doing it compulsively. After you have had time to calm down, ask her if she feels she is in control of her urges and if she derives any pleasure from her sexual experiences. If the answer is no, she may have a condition that requires psychiatric treatment.
- Tell yourself that infidelity isn’t always compulsive. It is important not to automatically define it as a disorder. If your girlfriend has cheated on you because of a problem in your relationship, or if she is polyamorous and not interested in a monogamous relationship, talking about disorder may be inappropriate. She may feel like you are judging her and ignoring other bigger issues that caused her to cheat on you.
3. Confide in others.
It can be difficult to sort through the emotional impact of infidelity on your own. Reach out to your friends and relatives to help you express and better understand your feelings.
- Talk to friends or relatives you trust who will refrain from judgment. Tell them what happened and ask for emotional support. People may try to give you advice, but politely tell them that you just want to understand your own feelings and you do not need to be told how to do so.
- Don’t be vindictive. It’s okay to turn to others, but don’t talk about your relationship issues with your cheating girlfriend’s mom, best friend, or coworker. Favor people with whom you already had a connection before meeting her
4. Consider an open relationship.
Some people are polyamorous. This means that they find it difficult to stay with one partner and may seek out someone who is open looking for sex and romance rather than a monogamous relationship. If your girlfriend falls into this category, consider whether or not you can handle an open relationship.
- Polyamorous and open relationships come in many forms. Some people just want sex outside of their boyfriend, while others may be looking for multiple sexual and romantic partners at the same time. Choose the form of open relationship that makes you comfortable before starting one if you ever decide to go ahead.
- Communication is essential for a successful open relationship. In the poly community, there is a particular emphasis on addressing boundaries, respect and expectations. If you want to go this route, make sure you and your girlfriend have long discussions about what an open relationship means to both of you.
- Remember, there is nothing wrong with not wanting an open relationship. When it comes to monogamy, there is no wrong way to feel. If the idea of an open relationship makes you uncomfortable, continuing down this path may hurt you. If you and your cheating girlfriend have different opinions about monogamy, it may be a sign of a long-term incompatibility.
Part 2. Interact with his cheating girlfriend
1. Give each other space.
Finding out about his girlfriend’s infidelity is certainly the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. Give each other some space after the reveal so that you both have a little time to think.
- You probably tell yourself that keeping your girlfriend close to you is the best way to make sure she doesn’t cheat on you anymore. However, it’s hard to deal with your emotions in a relationship when you see your girlfriend every day.
- Take this moment to think about what you really want. What are you absolutely not ready to give up in a romantic relationship? What would you be willing to change? Identify your own wishes and needs so that you can meet them the next time you see your girlfriend.
2. You both have an open and honest conversation.
It won’t be the easiest thing to do, but you need to discuss what happened with your cheating girlfriend. Whether or not you want to work things out, open and honest discussion is key to turning the page.
- Listen to her when she speaks, even if it is difficult. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to show her that you are paying attention. Maintain eye contact, lean forward, nod your head, and occasionally comment when there’s a pause. Do not go to noisy places to chat, for example a popular café, as this may prevent good communication.
- Ask him relevant questions. Which are the subjects on which you never manage to agree? What causes disappointment, pain? What are the things that made you happy and helped you feel connected? How would you like the communication to be between you and her?
- Be respectful. It will be a painful discussion for both of you and you will need to converse in a civil and productive manner. Speak politely. Start your sentences with “I” rather than “you” to avoid sounding accusatory. Take turns speaking and try not to dwell too long on one topic. If you have been discussing a topic for more than 15 minutes, it may be time to move on and come back to that topic later
3. Be prepared to change, if necessary.
Depending on the reason that prompted him to cheat on you, there may be issues with your relationship that need to be addressed. It doesn’t mean that the infidelity is your fault, but if you really want to save what can be saved, you may need to make adjustments on your end.
- You have to try to figure out what made him cheat on you. While it can be painful to face, there is a possibility that something is wrong with the relationship itself. You and your girlfriend need to find some common goals for your relationship, and that may mean you still need to change the way you do things.
- Change takes time. You need to realize that while you are willing to make some adjustments, things will look different at first and it will take time and commitment to heal an injured heart.
4. Make a decision about your future together.
For your own good, you need to decide whether or not you can forgive the infidelity and then move on.
- Sometimes needs or wants are mutually exclusive and this is what often leads to infidelity. If she has different sexual desires or a different sexual appetite, you may just not be compatible. If you are a firm believer in monogamy and instead seek an open relationship, it is probably time to move on.
- Boredom is another factor that hurts relationships. Finding out new things about your partner is vital to making a relationship last, but if the two of you have stopped blooming in the middle of your relationship, it’s a sign that things just aren’t working out anymore. Lack of continued interest and personal growth are signs that a relationship has no future.
- Conversely, if you and your cheating girlfriend manage to find a compromise in which you both feel happy and comfortable, without harming anyone’s basic needs, you will be able to continue your relationship. However, remember that tension and lack of confidence will be major issues after infidelity. It will take a long time for things to get back to normal.
Part 3. Go forward
1. Get tested for possible STIs.
It is important for you and your girlfriend to get tested for sexually transmitted infections after infidelity.
- People who engage in infidelity often neglect protections during sex. It is important to go to a doctor or a screening clinic to find out about your state of health.
- Also ask him to do some tests. It is important that you both have a clean check-up before resuming any sexual activity, especially if you are not using condoms or other forms of protection.
2. Consult a therapist.
If you choose to continue your relationship after the infidelity, see a therapist together.
- A therapist can help a couple solve difficult problems together. Having difficult discussions in his presence can help you and your partner feel that your needs are being taken care of in a calm and respectful way. You can also have a one-on-one chat with your girlfriend about any issues that you may be uncomfortable with but wondering about her infidelity.
- If your cheating girlfriend is reluctant to see a therapist, go alone. Even without his presence, you can try to sort out some issues on your end.
3. Build a new relationship together.
After an infidelity, your relationship will not be the same. With your girlfriend, try to work together to create a new relationship.
- Infidelity will be underlying every argument for a while, but you must be able to consciously work to overcome any bitterness you may be feeling. Being obsessed with a misstep is toxic to a healthy relationship. A therapist or counselor can help you get out of the trap of constantly thinking about your girlfriend’s infidelity.
- Try to see things in a positive light. Although the original innocence and confidence are gone, you and your cheating girlfriend have survived a major setback and continue to function as a couple. This shows that your relationship is strong and that you now have the opportunity to build a new, healthier relationship
Read to know: Why Do Men Cheat? 7 Reasons And FAQs